The “Do’s and Don’t’s” of the Initial Family Law Consultation

Deciding to pick up the phone and make that dreaded first call when you feel the time is right to contact an attorney is a petrifying moment.  It’s one of those times in your life where you just have to take the plunge, dial the phone and make the call.

Once you’ve decided on the attorney you want to meet with, a sense of relief may come over you… until the day of the appointment. Panic, fear, confusion, hurt and uncertainty are all natural expectations that an experienced attorney will recognize and deal with when you arrive.  But don’t let your apprehension overcome you. You made the call. You scheduled the appointment.  It’s time. You know meeting with the attorney is the right thing to do.

More often than not, the attorney is going to meet you when you are at your worst, especially in a new divorce consultation. That’s expected.  You wouldn’t be at the law office if things were rosy and life was grand.  An experienced family law attorney knows that you are vulnerable, emotionally drained, and sadly, sometimes physically abused.  The attorney will help guide you through the initial process, help you cope with your emotional well being, and offer suggestions to help you make yourself “a better you” as the process proceeds, and most important, be the partner your attorney will need to effectively advocate for you throughout the divorce or post-decree proceedings.

In order to make the most out of the initial meeting with your attorney, there are a few simple rules that will help you, the client, and your attorney make the most out of the initial consultation.  Remember, just as you are interviewing the attorney, the attorney is interviewing you as well.  You are both evaluating each other to determine if the two of you are a “proper fit” for each other.  Just as you are gauging the attorney’s knowledge, demeanor, compassion and strategy, the attorney is also evaluating you to determine what type of witness you may be, your candor and truthfulness, and your ability to be an effective partner throughout the proceedings.  If you’re not comfortable with what you’re seeing or hearing, don’t hire this attorney. But by the same token, if the attorney is not comfortable with you, the attorney is under no obligation to accept your case or you as a client.  It’s the proverbial “two way street;” you both have to want to work together, feel comfortable with each other and be on the same page in order to be successful in your case and to have a successful attorney/client relationship.

When preparing for the initial consultation, there are a few “Do’s and Don’t’s” that will make the initial consultation less stressful for you, and more beneficial to both you and the attorney. Of course, some law offices may have different procedures and practices, so it’s a good idea to ask when you make the initial appointment to see if there are any procedures you should know before you have your first meeting, especially if there will be a charge for the initial consultation. Some of the suggested “Do’s and Don’t’s” that our law office adheres to are:

For the Initial Consultation, DON’T:

 Don’t be offended if there is a charge for the initial consultation.  The lawyer’s time is how he or she makes their living and you are receiving a professional service. The time the lawyer spends with you could have been spent on another case for which he or she could be getting paid, so it is not out of the ordinary to expect to pay for the initial consultation.  Our firm, like many others, has a discounted rate for the first hour consultation. The information you receive will be well worth the fee, not to mention that it may be a significant stress reliever as you move forward. Don’t forget:  “You get what you pay for…”

• Don’t bring a friend or family member with you for moral support.  That person cannot participate in the initial conference due to confidentiality requirements and ethical concerns of the attorney.  A friend or family member has nothing to contribute to the initial conference.  If they have something relevant to provide to your case, the attorney will, undoubtedly, interview them later to make that determination.  The attorney wants to talk to you, only, at the initial consultation because you have the pertinent information, not your friend or family member.

• Perhaps even more important than not bringing friends or family members with you to the initial appointment is don’t bring children with you.  Because of the sensitive discussions that may occur during your initial consultation, children should not be present.  Also, there is no place for children to stay while you are meeting with the attorney other than the waiting room/reception area.  Law office staff have jobs to do and providing child care for you is not in their job description, nor should it be their responsibility to entertain your child/children during this very important meeting.  This meeting is a job interview, for both you and the attorney.  Would you take your children to a job interview?  You shouldn’t bring your children to the initial consultation either.

• Don’t be late, or just not show up.  Just as you will expect to receive courtesy from the attorney and the law office staff, the same courtesy should be extended to them from you.  If you see that you are going to be late, call the law office and let them know.  If you need to cancel the appointment for whatever reason, have the courtesy to call the office and cancel.  Perhaps someone else can use that appointment time if you can’t make it, or just aren’t ready to take that step.

• Don’t withhold any information or facts, even if it may be embarrassing.  An experienced attorney will be able to advise you as to what is relevant or not, and leaving out even the simplest fact or occurrence may have a devastating impact on your case.

• Conversely, don’t embellish or exaggerate facts or occurrences to help bolster your case.  By not being completely honest with your attorney, it may affect how you are represented, the strategies taken, or even worse, bring your credibility into question. Truthfulness is always the most important aspect of your case, even if it hurts.

• Although everyone wants to make a good first impression, there is no need to “dress up” for the initial consultation. Wear what you feel comfortable in because you may be having an uncomfortable, emotional and stressful discussion for the next one to two hours. Also, don’t over indulge in fragrances; perfumes or colognes.  Many people have allergies to certain fragrances, and although you may like to smell good, overpowering perfumes and colognes can distract from a meaningful and productive initial conference.  Don’t forget that you will be meeting in a closed room; either the attorney’s office or a conference room that can quickly become overwhelmed with an overpowering fragrance.

• Last, but certainly not least, don’t rely on what you read on the internet or what your friends tell you. The internet can be a very valuable tool, but can also be full of misinformation and vague, often confusing, interpretations of the law. Just as you wouldn’t rely on a medical website to diagnose a serious medical problem, don’t rely on the internet to tell you what the law is, or how it would be applied in your particular case.  Additionally, friends can be well meaning, however, their case is not yours.  Remember that just as every individual is different, every case is different.  Your particular circumstances, your spouse, and even the personality of opposing counsel will sometimes dictate how your case should be handled strategically.  Do not be overly concerned about what “my friend so and so got” or “my friend said.” Your friend, and the internet, cannot take the place of the attorney you are about to meet with, as the attorney will tailor the advice you receive based on your individual facts and circumstances.

Now that you know what not to do before the initial consultation occurs and after it begins, here are a few helpful items to assist you in being a well prepared client as the initial consultation approaches:

For the Initial Consultation, DO:

• Do come prepared with specific detailed information.  Social security numbers, birth dates, date of marriage, health insurance costs for both you (individually) and your children, child care costs, expenses for special medical needs for either you and/or your children, college costs for either you and/or your children, two years of tax returns, four pay stubs showing year to date earnings, a list of personal property owned by you and your spouse (or with someone else, if applicable), a complete copy of your pre-nuptial agreement (if applicable), appraisals for real estate or personal property, police reports and/or protective orders (if applicable), vehicle information, and, most important, any court pleadings or prior court orders that may have been entered in your case.

• Do tell the attorney if you are active with text messaging and/or on social media.  There is a good chance that the attorney will advise you to seriously curtail your activity with text messaging and on social media, if not cease it completely.  If there is anything that you have texted or posted about your spouse, friends, relatives, in-laws, etc., it may be wise to print your texts and posts and provide a copy to the attorney and refrain from texting and posting anything else until your case is concluded.  Social media posts, and especially text messages, are now considered admissible evidence in some courts, so let your attorney know, up front, if there are texts and/or posts that may be detrimental to your case.

• If you are comfortable with the attorney, and the attorney accepts your case, and you as a client, do read the Employment Agreement carefully and in its entirety. What is the retainer? What are the court costs? What is the hourly rate? What happens when my retainer is depleted? Will my spouse be responsible to reimburse me for my fees?  How much is charged for a phone call? How much is charged for a letter or email? Is there a different hourly rate for appearing in court opposed to office work? Am I charged for photocopies? Am I charged for postage? Is there a different hourly rate for the attorney, paralegal, or other staff members?  When am I billed? When is my bill due?  These are all legitimate questions that should be answered at the inception of the attorney/client relationship. Knowing the answers to these questions will help avoid an uncomfortable situation for both you and your attorney as your case and relationship progresses.

• The most important thing you can do in preparation for the initial consultation is bring a list of questions.  We’ve all heard the old adage “there’s no such thing as a stupid question.”  This is definitely true at the initial consultation.  Your attorney knows that you’re not an attorney with his or her legal knowledge and experience and that your head is probably spinning with nervousness, worry and concern; both legal and personal.  Ask the question… you deserve an answer, you need the answer. Being able to communicate well with your attorney always begins at the initial consultation.  Attorneys appreciate clients would want to be well informed.  Be that client!

Making the call to schedule your initial consultation is never an easy task.  You may have thought about doing it for a long time, or, unfortunately, a sudden need to hire counsel has arisen.  Regardless of how long it took you to make the call, you’ve made it, the appointment is scheduled and the hard first step is over.  To make the next step less stressful, and more meaningful and productive when you meet with the attorney, follow these simple guidelines and you’ll be well on your way to a successful initial consultation and an even more successful attorney/client relationship.

Good luck!

Could switch therapy save your marriage?

You may have heard of ‘switch therapy’ from the popular Channel 4 programmes Seven Year Switch USA and Australia where four couples are assisted by two relationship experts, Dr Dan Shapiro and Dr Jessica Griffin who specialise in relational trauma, high conflict and divorce in an attempt to save their marriages.

Why use switch therapy?

The doctors report that the seven year itch is where the shine has fallen off the marriage. Statistically at seven years is where you have more complaints about your partner and marriage than you have good things to say about it. It is a time in which many couples stray or separate. Although Dr Griffin has said couples do not need to be together for seven years to experience the ‘seven year itch’ and many couples struggle from the get go. The doctors report that unfortunately for a lot of couples no matter how hard they try over 50% of couples will end in divorce so they believe it’s time for a different approach.

The experiment

For two weeks four couples leave their lives behind to live with a complete stranger as their experimental spouse who has been chosen to fulfil aspects or personality traits which they think they are missing in their real marriage. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to get paired with someone who could offer them the life they may have wondered about.

We’ve all heard the quotes “absence makes the heart grow fonder” and on the flip side “out of sight out of mind” but the doctors are quite clear that the experiment is not about matching people so that they fall in love with their new partner, it’s about helping them to figure out how to make changes in their real marriage so that they can make decisions about their real lives.

Some people might argue that the grass is not greener on the other side and that you cannot possibly work on your marriage if your spouse isn’t there with you. However the experts Dr Shapiro and Dr Griffin provide the couples with exercises and tasks to complete during the two weeks, which really make them evaluate themselves and their behaviour within their relationship and that of their partners to give them a new perspective on their marriage.

The decision

After two weeks the couples have to decide whether they want to stay with their real spouse or go their separate ways and divorce. One of the couples is reported to have said there is a method to the madness and when you go to extreme measures you get extreme results.

It remains to be seen whether something so radical will be trialled in the UK, but it just might be a new approach to saving marriages which we hadn’t considered previously.

Could switch therapy work in the UK?

I cannot see why not. Couples could attend counselling for years and never get the type of insight into their relationships that switch therapy offers. The therapy has had great results in the US and Australia but it won’t be for everyone, it’s extreme and intrusive. It’s aimed at couples who have tried everything else to save their marriage – for them this really is the last straw. I suspect that were it offered in the UK the cost would be a deciding factor, unless Channel 4 decide to film ‘Seven Year Switch’ in the UK. But what’s the alternative if you’ve exhausted all other options? Harmful behaviours in a marriage ultimately destroy it, so for many the unconventional process of switch therapy could be the rare opportunity to save their marriage.

If you are thinking about divorce, or any family law matter, give our specialist family and matrimonial team a call on 0343 507 5151 or fill in our online contact form and we will call you back when it is convenient.

Court of Appeal refuse couple’s civil partnership challenge

Cohabitees Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan have been unsuccessful in their legal challenge at the Court of Appeal. The decision the Court had to make was whether to extend the law to allow opposite-sex couples to enter into civil partnerships.

Presently the law in the UK doesn’t allow opposite-sex couples to enter into civil partnerships in the same way same-sex couples can, which has resulted in many couples travelling to the Isle of Man, which legalised opposite-sex civil partnerships last summer. Steinfeld and Keidan who initially started their legal battle 3 years’ ago feel marriage is a “patriarchal institution” which has a “sexist history” and feel that a civil partnership is much more suited to their relationship.  Keidan has said that regardless of the outcome he will be looking to the government to open civil partnerships to all couples at the earliest opportunity.

In November 2016 when challenging the High Court decision of Mrs Justice Andrews’ Karon Monaghan QC told the Court of Appeal that the issue to be determined was whether the bar on opposite sex couples entering into civil partnerships was contrary to Articles 8 and 14 of the European Convention on Human Rights – which refer to respect for a private and family life and discrimination.

Extending civil partnerships to mixed-sex couples would have given people a choice and much needed legal protection to cohabitees. Statistics from July 2016 show that cohabiting couples make up nearly 10% of the UK’s population. What remains clear is that the law for unmarried couples needs reforming to catch up with modern British society. Unlike with divorce or civil partnership dissolution there are no set of rules which apply when you split up with someone you have been cohabiting with so there is very little legal protection available, often resorting to complex trust and property law or applications under the Children Act 1989. As a family lawyer I regularly see the fall out when cohabitees separate and I believe urgent legislation is needed to provide legal protection for these couples to ensure fair outcomes on separation.

If you need advice on civil partnerships, cohabitation agreements, or your relationship has recently come to an end and want to know your rights give our specialist family and matrimonial team a call on 0343 507 5151 or fill in our online contact form and we will call you back when it is convenient.

Divorce Petition fee hike

The Ministry of Justice reported late last week that there would be a 34% increase in divorce fees as of Monday 21 March 2016. This is despite strong opposition from many family lawyers who opposed the hike when the Ministry of Justice consulted on the issue last year.

You might be wondering, if you are about to commence divorce proceedings, why your Solicitor had not made you aware of the increase in the Court fee, which will now cost petitioners £550 as opposed to £410. This is because no formal announcement has been made by the government despite both houses of parliament having approved it. The information has come out of the various divorce units across the country who only found out late last week, a few days before the fee hike was due to be implemented.

It is disappointing that the Government decided not to wait for the Justice Select Committee’s findings from their inquiry in relation to court fees, but instead decided to hike the fee without making any announcement and without any formal consultation process. It has been reported that the actual administrative cost to the Ministry of Justice to issue divorce proceedings is around £270, meaning a profit based on the new hike of £280! Jo Edwards, Chair of Resolution has pointed out that this amounts to a ‘tax on divorce’ only two years after an increase. Ms Edwards shared this view with MPs at a House of Commons Justice Committee Hearing in December last year.

The £140 increase in the Court fee is unfortunately going to mean that many people will not be able to afford to divorce, which in turn will leave financial matters unresolved and keep couples financially tied to one another several months or years after separating. As Ms Edwards so eloquently put it “divorce is not a choice to litigate – it’s a necessary part of the legal process to bring a relationship to an end”. The fee hike shows no consideration for the pain and financial hardship suffered by many couples deciding to divorce.

If you are separating or considering getting a divorce it is important that you also deal with arrangements relating to any children and the financial aspects arising on divorce. At Gorvins we offer a personal, practical and collaborative service which assists when dealing with cases of a sensitive nature. If you need advice please contact me on 0343 507 5151 or email and I would be more than happy to help you.

CAFCASS Case Increase – Cause for Concern?

As first published here; republished with permission.

February 2016 was a busy month for CAFCASS who have experienced a 10% compared to last year in new private law cases from 2,932 to 3,237 referrals. This is in stark contrast to the decline seen in 2014/15 when applications dropped by 27% on the previous year, with May 2014 being the lowest number of new cases received on record.

Who are they?

CAFCASS is short for ‘The Children and Family Court Advisory Service’.  They are an independent organisation which represents children in family court cases and ensures that the children’s voice is heard and decisions are taken in their best interests.

What are ‘private law’ cases?

This is a term used to refer to applications made following separation or divorce about the arrangements for children, such as where they will live and who they will spend time with.

What does the increase mean?

An increase in referrals means that more parents than ever are resorting to sorting out child arrangements through the Courts, rather than between themselves, via mediation or through solicitor correspondence. As a family lawyer this is concerning as it makes me wonder whether client’s are being given the right advice or whether their expectations are being managed appropriately. That being said, there are situations when an application to Court is entirely justified, for instance where contact is being denied and communication has broken down between parents.

Does CAFCASS always get involved?

CAFCASS will only become involved in a case at the request of the Court and after informing the parents/guardians. After this CAFCASS will carry out safeguarding checks with the Police and Local Authority and then conduct a telephone interview with both parties to see whether either has any concerns about the safety and welfare of the child(ren).

The CAFCASS officer will attend the first Court hearing to try and ascertain whether there are any areas of concern and to narrow the issues in dispute between the parties. After the hearing, the Court may direct CAFCASS to prepare a report regarding the child’s welfare, known as a ‘Section 7 report’. However it is the Court that makes the final decision after considering the evidence in the case, the CAFCASS report and the welfare checklist referred to in my previous blog ‘Madonna’s Mother’s Day Melancholy’.

What can you do if the current child arrangements are not working?

Family circumstances inevitably vary over time and the arrangements put in place five years ago may need to be reviewed and varied accordingly as your children increase in age. Unfortunately it is not possible for Courts to plan for every conceivable eventuality when making an Order. If your current child arrangements are not working then it is possible to vary these by consent, with the agreement of both parties or via Court proceedings.

At Gorvins we are committed to helping parents try to resolve their difficulties amicably without the requirement of Court proceedings where possible, but if this becomes necessary then we will strive to achieve the best outcome for a Client, always taking into account the child’s best interests. To discuss sorting out child arrangements with a member of our expert team, call us on 0343 507 5151 or email

No such thing as a “quickie” divorce

Last week it was widely reported in the media that the Blackadder star, Rowan Atkinson, worth an estimated £70 million, was granted a “quickie” divorce in 65 seconds from wife Sunetra after 24 years of marriage at London’s Central Family Court on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour.

There have been a string of quickie celebrity divorces reported in recent years, Mission Impossible star Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Beatles star Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills and X-Factor judge Cheryl Fernandez-Versini and England defender Ashley Cole.

So what is a quickie divorce and is it reserved for the rich and famous?

Unfortunately the media are perpetuating a family law myth; there is no such thing as a quickie divorce. Whilst no two divorces are identical and some are quicker than others, broadly speaking the process is the same and there are no celebrity shortcuts!

Divorce Procedure in England & Wales

There is only one ground for divorce and it’s not unreasonable behaviour as reported above, it is the “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage”, which is demonstrated by one of 5 facts:

  • Unreasonable behaviour
  • Adultery
  • Two years’ separation with consent
  • Five years’ separation without consent
  • Desertion

One party known as the ‘Petitioner’ issues a Divorce Petition with the Court. The Court will then send a copy of the petition to the other party, known as the ‘Respondent’, accompanied by an Acknowledgement of Service form which they are required to complete and return to the Court.

Once received, the Court will send a copy of the Respondent’s acknowledgement to the Petitioner, who is then able to file an application for Decree Nisi with the Court. If the Court is satisfied that the Petitioner has sufficiently proven the contents of their petition and the Respondent does not wish to defend the proceedings, they will certify the Petitioner’s entitlement to a divorce and the matter will be listed for a Decree Nisi pronouncement hearing. If one party doesn’t agree to the divorce, you can still apply for a Decree Nisi but the Court will list the matter for a hearing where a Judge will decide whether to grant you a Decree Nisi.

This is not the final decree and the marriage is not dissolved until the Decree Absolute is granted. The Petitioner can apply for the Decree Absolute six weeks and one day from the date of Decree Nisi, but it is common to delay making the application until a financial settlement has been reached. There is no way of circumventing this process whether you’re Cheryl Fernandez Versini or Joe Bloggs!

So why are the media talking about a ‘quickie divorce’?

The suggestion that the Atkinson’s were divorced in 65 seconds is incorrect – what the media are actually referring to is the length of time it takes a Judge to pronounce the Decree Nisi. When the Court lists the matter for a Decree Nisi pronouncement hearing as referred to above, it will also list around 20-30 cases at the same time. A Judge such as District Judge Alderson in the Atkinson’s case, will pronounce the Decree Nisi’s in open Court – which is where the media lay in waiting for a juicy celebrity story.

Neither party is required to attend Court on this date as it is standard practice that the Decree Nisi is pronounced in the absence of the parties, which is why Mr and Mrs Atkinson were not in attendance. The only reason you would want to attend this hearing would be to make representations about costs if they were not agreed.

So how long does divorce actually take?

If everything proceeds smoothly divorce could take as little as 4-6 months, but in most cases it can take 6-12 months for the parties to reach a financial settlement. Delays are often seen in exchanging disclosure, protracted negotiations or due to one party issuing Court proceedings.

What can I do to speed things up?

Whilst you cannot circumvent the divorce process you can avoid the type of delays mentioned above by following these 3 steps:

  1. Obtain legal advice early on – if you’re thinking about divorcing it can be a daunting experience accompanied by anxiety about what the future holds. A good divorce lawyer can advise you as to the settlement options open to you in your case and which is likely to have the best result for you.
  1. Talk to your spouse – if you can agree at the outset who will be the Petitioner and Respondent and the content of the petition, including the fact to be relied upon and who will pay the divorce costs, proceedings will be issued more quickly. Similarly, if you are able to agree financial matters between you it will save time and money, but this should not be at any cost – which is why I suggest obtaining legal advice first. Even if you do reach agreement, it is important that you instruct a solicitor to embody your agreement into a Consent Order within divorce proceedings to be submitted to the Court for approval.
  1. Get your house in order – the Petitioner will need to provide their original marriage certificate to the Court, if you can’t find it apply for a certified copy from the Registry. To achieve resolution of financial matters, your Solicitor will need to identify the matrimonial assets available for division before advising as to how they should be divided. You can assist by collating information about your respective financial positions for e.g. 12 months’ bank statements, mortgage redemption statements, property valuations, cash equivalent transfer values for pensions etc.

If you are thinking about divorce or any family law matter please do not hesitate to contact me on 0343 507 5151. The Family and Matrimonial team at Gorvins can advise you as to the likely length of proceedings and the best way to protect your interests on divorce. If you prefer, you can send an email addressed to me at

Surrogacy Law Leaves Baby Boy Parentless – Time for Change?

A baby boy born to a surrogate mother as part of a commercial surrogacy arrangement has been left without a legally recognised parent in the UK due to a curiosity in the law. The surrogacy arrangement was made between an American mother and a UK man, however a UK court refused to recognise the man as the boy’s father because he is single.

The boy was born just over one year ago in Minnesota after the father paid £30,000 to become a parent using his own sperm, a donor egg and a surrogate mother. Whilst the man is genetically the boy’s father and is recognised as the boy’s sole parent by an American court, even with complete agreement from the surrogate mother the UK courts cannot legally formalise the agreement under the law. This has meant that the boy is left without a family and is a ward of the court under the law.

The case has highlighted a glaring problem in the legal framework and one which seems to be contrary to equality principles. senior Family Judge Sir James Munby, stated that this could not be a permanent solution but that he did not have the power to grant a parenting order to the man.

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008 dictates that parenting orders in surrogacy cases may only be granted to couples. Couples may be married or cohabiting and same-sex or heterosexual. However, the law on surrogacy does not match that of adoption where single people are permitted to become parents.

Sir James Munby in his judgement outlined that parliament discussed amending the law around seven years ago to enable single parents to be granted parenting orders however, this was not carried forward. It was considered by parliament that surrogacy is a fundamentally different arrangement to adoption or IVF treatment as the woman is making the agreement to hand over the child to someone else prior to conception, the junior health minister of the time stated that this arrangement was of such ‘magnitude’ that it required a couple. However the Barrister working on behalf of the man involved, Elizabeth Isaacs QC, outlines that the couple requirement was an offence to the principles of 21st Century family, she said there should be:

“no discrimination against the increasingly different kinds of family which society is creating” and added that the welfare of the boy which should be the courts primary consideration is not being properly served by his current circumstances. However, as the law is clearly stated in primary legislation, it will be up to parliament to rectify the law before the boys arrangements can be changed.

Sir James Munby discussed the difference in the law of adoption and surrogacy describing it as “both very striking and, in my judgment, very telling”. He highlighted that it must represent a clear difference of policy as both in 1990 when the law was created and in 2008 when it was again discussed, Parliament determined that surrogacy required a couple and thus a distinction from the law of adoption. However, this case may pave the way for a change in the law as it will still be open to the man to bring a legal challenge claiming that the law under the 2008 Act is incompatible with human rights, given the situation the he and his biological son now find themselves in.


Image credit: Norbert Eder, Flickr

Ashley Madison Account Hacked? Well, Your Divorce Can Still Be Private

As the Tampa Bay Times reported a few months ago, a website hack has meant that thousands of spouses have been caught red-handed while trying to cheat., a website that bills itself as “the most famous name in infidelity and married dating,” was targeted by a “hacktivist” group who made public the website’s clientele list and their personal information.

This hack has left many marriages on the rocks. No matter how you look at it, divorce is difficult, and so hopefully most of the marriages can be saved with the help of trusted clergy or a marriage and family therapist. But the train may have already left the station for many of the marriages.

Though the hack may have made Ashley Madison’s clientele list public, separating spouses can still maintain a modicum of dignity and keep the details of their divorce private. The collaborative divorce process gives spouses the opportunity to spare their children, family, friends, and others from learning the specifics of why they are separating by resolving their divorce issues in private conference rooms rather than in a public courthouse. In collaborative divorce there are no court reporters, no transcripts, and no judging by a public official.

The collaborative process is a voluntary process, and so each spouse must agree to it. They each retain attorneys who pledge to focus solely on helping the spouses reach a full out-of-court settlement; the attorneys are contractually-barred from engaging in costly and destructive contested proceedings (they cannot file contested pleadings or motions, and they cannot appear at trials or other hearings where the parties are not in agreement).

This means that, unlike the traditional divorce process, spouses in the collaborative process are not seen as “opposing parties” but as teammates. Attorneys do not use their legal skills to engage in opposition research, but to help the clients reach an agreement that is acceptable to both.

As a spouse may have been caught cheating, there is likely to be a lot of anger and mistrust. The collaborative model recognizes that divorce is not just a legal process, but also an emotional process. This is why a neutral facilitator, who generally has mental health training, is usually engaged to help spouses cut through the emotional clutter that might otherwise block an agreement and help them focus on the future and what is most important to them (i.e., the children).

In any divorce, Florida law requires there to be certain financial disclosure. In the traditional divorce, financial documents and information are made part of the court record. In a collaborative divorce, a neutral financial professional is oftentimes engaged to serve as a repository of the spouses’ financial information and ensure that they can verify the other spouse’s information. The financial professional can also help develop support and asset distribution options that are specifically tailored to the particular family and ensure that both parties have a financial plan to help them transition from married to single life.

Though your Ashley Madison account may have been made public, the details of your divorce can still remain private via the collaborative process.

If you have questions about divorce, schedule a consultation with Family Diplomacy: A Collaborative Law Firm at (813) 443-0615 or fill out our contact form.

Adam B. Cordover is managing attorney at Family Diplomacy and now practices exclusively in out-of-court dispute resolution. He is president of Next Generation Divorce, a 501(c)(3) and Florida’s largest collaborative practice group. He is also on the Executive Board of the Collaborative Family Law Council of Florida and on the Research Committee of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.

Tips for a Thorough Child Support Agreement

Top Tips for a Thorough Child Support Agreement (Based on family law in Queensland, Australia & generally):-

As the unavoidable unfortunately happens, your child’s welfare has to be prioritised. Divorce or separation is never easy, but this does not mean your child’s interests will be compromised.

More than ever, this is where your child’s crucial years must be constantly nurtured. It’s always best to consult with a Family Law expert to maintain a well-covered settlement.

Here are some tips you’ll need to consider as you draft and finalise your child support agreement:

  • Time spent with each parent
  • Budget capacity of ex-spouses
  • Payment schedule
  • Logistical arrangements
  • Miscellaneous support
  • Time spent with each parent

It’s equally important for the mother and father to be around as a child grows up. As much as possible, a balance between time spent and payables (monetary obligations) must be made.

While 50-50 shares are optimal, each ex-spouse’s financial situation might vary. The other one may have enough income to cover for most of the obligations, but will lack enough quality time to spend for the child. The opposite situation may apply for the other parent.

In this case, special and non-working holidays might be given to the busy parent. This may serve as a life’s highlight to the little one, as a whole day will be dedicated for bonding.

  • Budget capacity of ex-spouses

The child support agency will most probably calculate the budget needed for the child, until he or she reaches 18. Both parents may refer to these publications released by the Australian government, so as to estimate the budget they’ll need to devote for their children:

These publications and links can come up with customised budgets after gauging your situation (profession, educational attainment, working skills, living situation, etc.). All these will be factored in, towards estimating how much you can pay within an agreed schedule with your ex-partner.

  • Payment schedule

Aside from rates, payment schedules are one of the most challenging items to be agreed between ex-spouses. Payments are usually made on a monthly basis, depending on the frequency needed by the child. Ideally, the child’s needs should be prioritised over the parents’ payment capacity.

A Court Order is highly advisable to maintain regularity of payments. You may agree for either parties to both have District Attorneys or DAs on stand-by, should either of the two refuse to give their justifiable obligations.

  • Logistical arrangements

Each partner must be within reach to cover for the child’s needs. This means distance should not be a factor for both ex-spouses, regardless of which state or country they may be based. It is actually ideal for either of the parties to be within a few kilometres from each other, since quality time with their child will be of utmost priority.

If either of the two would constantly have a hectic schedule, then a bank account may be made as a supporting facility for the child. Both partners can schedule for fund transfers, so the budget may be acquired within specific periods of time.

  • Miscellaneous support

Future plans or insurance agreements should also be arranged, apart from setting some quality time and budget for the child. There are insurance policies which take care of a child’s health and other unforeseen incidents, such as accidents, injuries or critical illnesses.

Should an illness be diagnosed, a monthly payment fee can be agreed to cover for treatments. Some conditions may affect a child as he or she grows up which is why aside from clinical support, the little one may need to be cared for by other means (support groups, care centres, therapists, etc.).

Your child needs utmost support during this difficult time. These pointers should guide you in thoroughly covering for your little one. His or her quality of life while growing up will be highly dependent on what you’ll arrange with your ex-partner, and how you’ll follow through on the agreement. For an objective and optimal set up, a family lawyer’s expertise will be necessary.

Image Credit: Hagerty Ryan

Tampa Divorce Lawyer Rejects Court System

The court system publicly pits husband versus wife, mother versus father, according to collaborative lawyer Adam B. Cordover. On the heels of the fifth anniversary of his law firm, he declares that he will no longer take part and announces his firm’s new focus and name as Family Diplomacy: A Collaborative Law Firm.


“When a person steps into a courthouse to file for divorce, he or she is entering an adversarial system pitting spouse versus spouse,” says Tampa attorney Adam B. Cordover. He has seen families publicly tear themselves apart in the court system, and he has decided to do something about it. Cordover will now practice exclusively in out-of-court dispute resolution, with a focus on collaborative divorce, mediation, direct negotiations, and unbundled legal services.

And on July 31, 2015, the fifth anniversary of the establishment of The Law Firm of Adam B. Cordover, P.A., Cordover has changed his firm’s name to reflect this new focus. His firm is now “Family Diplomacy: A Collaborative Law Firm.”

“We have wonderful and caring judges, but they are limited in a system that turns parents into ‘opposing parties’ and attorneys into opposition research experts,” says Cordover, who will no longer appear in contested court hearings. “There are better, private methods, such as collaborative divorce, to help families resolve their differences and still maintain a relationship and their dignity once the divorce is finalized.”

Collaborative divorce, sometimes called collaborative law or collaborative practice, starts with a pledge by both spouses and their attorneys: Everyone will focus solely on reaching an agreement outside of court. In the unlikely event that the parties cannot reach an agreement, the collaborative attorneys withdraw and the parties may retain trial counsel (nationally, the collaborative success rate is around 90%, similar to the settlement rate of all divorces).

Each spouse in a collaborative divorce is represented by his/her own attorney, who will not waste any time, money, or energy on costly discovery tactics, motion practice, or trial preparation. Confidential discussions are had in private conference rooms rather than hearings in public courtrooms. The spouses agree to be open, honest, and transparent, and to focus on the future rather than the arguments of the past. The spouses and their attorneys work as a team to address all issues rather than as adversaries to attack each other. Experts are jointly retained to help tailor parenting plans specific to their children’s needs and financial solutions to help each spouse hit the ground running in their newly single lives.

All types of couples have decided that collaborative practice is right for them: business owners who want to minimize public exposure of their finances or trade secrets; professionals and high-profile individuals who want to keep embarrassing private personal details out of the limelight; gay and lesbian partners who never were officially married but want to work out the dissolution of their relationship; and parents who recognize that, though their marriage may be ending, a relationship of some sort will need to continue with the other parent for many years to come.

“My goal is to help families resolve their divorce issues as peacefully as possible,” says Cordover. “I have witnessed ‘War of the Roses’ and ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’ divorces, and I no longer wish to be a part of them.”

Learn more at or 813.443.0615.